The Diagnosis

April 15, 2019

I shouldn't be surprised.  

 

I've been suspecting it for a while.

 

Still, I'm grappling with the news.

 

This week I went to see a Physical Therapist because the pain in my hip moves around, but never really goes away.  I told Ariel the Therapist all of this, and I also added what a masseuse told me last month, "Your back is so twisted.  I mean, like, really twisted.  Maybe that's why your hip hurts?"

 

Ariel scoffed, "What is this twisted?  That is hardly a medical term."

 

He then walked around me and observed my back.  From behind I heard his voice, "Well, she may have had a point."

 

He circled back to the front and actually steepled his fingers, "Here's the thing, Bustle, we're all of us getting older..."

 

"Are you about to diagnose me with Middle Age????"

 

There were mild protestations, but they were mild.  Then there was poking, prodding, stretching, and something truly agonizing called cupping.  "You're like a real athlete," my friend Jenni enthused, "Like Michael Phelps."

 

Jenni also had some sage advice about the Middle Age diagnosis: "Have you tried getting younger?"

 

In my defense I've totally tried getting younger.  But the dang unicorn wouldn't hold still!

 

So, my other option is to deal.

 That's me.  Dealing.

 

Dealing that I am indeed hitting my Middle Age stride.  I'm not quite the twisted old crone my masseuse made me feel like, but no one is going to mistake me for the ingenue, either.  I don't mind the extra lines on my face so much, (although getting pimples on said lines does feel like an added and unnecessary insult to injury), but the body hurts worry me.  

 

Like, in addition to this hip thing that has been going on for some time, I lifted too much weight last week, and now my back hurts.  Yet another example of me trying to get younger, but clearly it's not working.  And now, I'm worried that I've really hurt myself, and what if I never feel good again?   

 

Have you noticed that old people talk a lot about their health problems?  I used to sigh or roll my eyes (oh, last year, when I was young, how I took you for granted), but now I realize it's because old people are just as surprised to be getting older and falling apart as I am!   It is completely shocking, this getting old business.  And I know I'm not expressing any new thoughts here, but they are new to me, and I suspect every new ache and pain will continue to astonish.  And I will probably want to talk about it.

 

In the meantime...I'm drinking copious amounts of ice water.  Because everyone seems to agree that water is a good thing.  Years ago an aesthetician told me, "We're basically just hairy bags that need refilling with water."  Gross.  And memorable.  

 

One of my favorite bloggers, Hi Sugarplum! Cassie recommends Collagen Peptides, and I'm going to try that.  Like I used to give my aging dog collagen supplements, now I'm going to see if they help my joints.

 

In January I talked about Intermittent Fasting.  I've tried, I swear I have.  I know it's working for a lot of people.  And on the weekends, when I rise after 7:00, I can totally do it.  But there is something about waking up before 6:00 - my stomach cramps with hunger by 6:30.  Maybe on the weekends, I sleep through it.  But I'll give it another shot come summer time (I've told you how teachers are reborn in the summer to their better, healthier, more organized selves!).

 

Also, cute earrings.  

 

I hosted a Noonday party, and I got these super cute, youngish-I'm-sure, earrings as a gift.

 

So, hopefully, if you see a twisted old woman hobbling painfully but as fast as she can to the bathroom (because she's been drinking so much water!!!), you'll think, "My, what cute earrings!"

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