Hello! From out of the darkness, it is I, Vim, returning to you from what has been a harrowing six months of anxiety, depression, and (only good thing) unexpected weight loss. I don’t mean to brag, but apparently, what 2 years of a low-carb diet, more salads than I want to think about, and regular exercise couldn’t accomplish - a case of the real hard sads handled neatly in 5 months...on MOSTLY CARBS. My endocrinologist can suck it. Apparently being miserable burns a lot of calories. Who knew? (Authors note: I do not recommend this diet, I’m just trying to look on the bright side).
So…(cough)…Readers, it’s…been a while. Bustle’s been manning (womanning?) the helm for quite some time like a champ, and I am feeling a lot of pressure to be especially interesting, which has really gotten in the way of my posting anything. What should I talk about? What could possibly make up for so long an absence?? The stakes feel so high. So, I have decided to remove the pressure and tell you the smallest tale currently in my possession.
So, I’m pretty sure I broke my toe during strike for my last show, and now I have a groovy S-shaped bruise like I’m the Harry Potter of carrying wood scraps out to the storage shed. Unfortunately(?), it is healing pretty quickly and I didn’t get a picture, so now it’s much less impressive. You’ll just have to take my word for it: it used to be purple and blue and green, and looked like a Frankenstein foot. But now it just looks vaguely unhappy. I know I should go to the doctor, and I probably will, but I have a strong suspicion that will go something along the lines of: “Oh, yeah, you kind of broke your toe. But you can walk on it? Maybe take some Advil. That’ll be $100.”
It’s much like the time I VERY SEVERLY injured my leg (during another show – theatre is dangerous, y’all), but when I finally went to the doctor they were all: “Yeah, it’s probably fractured. But you can walk on it? So, you don’t need a cast. The surrounding muscle is so traumatized (!!!) that it’s formed a natural cast around the bone, so… there’s not really anything to do. That’ll be $25”. (I had better insurance then.)
But behold my groovy, magical looking bruise. It goes well with the blue nail polish, I think. Total serendipity there.
And if you have noticed a lot of extra commas, and the use of colons, which I don’t normally employ (and am not totally positive that I’m employing correctly), that is because I’m currently teaching SAT prep. I’m actually pretty sure that, in the service of a conversational style, I have broken several rules. But these SAT practice exams have improved my comma-awareness. Not so much my tendency for run-on sentences. I will run on. As soon as this toe is better.