I'm Back!

August 10, 2018

 

Hello!  From out of the darkness, it is I, Vim, returning to you from what has been a harrowing six months of anxiety, depression, and (only good thing) unexpected weight loss.  I don’t mean to brag, but apparently, what 2 years of a low-carb diet, more salads than I want to think about, and regular exercise couldn’t accomplish - a case of the real hard sads handled neatly in 5 months...on MOSTLY CARBS.  My endocrinologist can suck it.  Apparently being miserable burns a lot of calories.  Who knew?  (Authors note: I do not recommend this diet, I’m just trying to look on the bright side).

 

So…(cough)…Readers, it’s…been a while.  Bustle’s been manning (womanning?) the helm for quite some time like a champ, and I am feeling a lot of pressure to be especially interesting, which has really gotten in the way of my posting anything.  What should I talk about?  What could possibly make up for so long an absence??  The stakes feel so high.  So, I have decided to remove the pressure and tell you the smallest tale currently in my possession.

 

So, I’m pretty sure I broke my toe during strike for my last show, and now I have a groovy S-shaped bruise like I’m the Harry Potter of carrying wood scraps out to the storage shed. Unfortunately(?), it is healing pretty quickly and I didn’t get a picture, so now it’s much less impressive.  You’ll just have to take my word for it: it used to be purple and blue and green, and looked like a Frankenstein foot.  But now it just looks vaguely unhappy.  I know I should go to the doctor, and I probably will, but I have a strong suspicion that will go something along the lines of: “Oh, yeah, you kind of broke your toe.  But you can walk on it?  Maybe take some Advil. That’ll be $100.”

 

It’s much like the time I VERY SEVERLY injured my leg (during another show – theatre is dangerous, y’all), but when I finally went to the doctor they were all: “Yeah, it’s probably fractured.  But you can walk on it?  So, you don’t need a cast.  The surrounding muscle is so traumatized (!!!) that it’s formed a natural cast around the bone, so… there’s not really anything to do. That’ll be $25”. (I had better insurance then.)

 

 

But behold my groovy, magical looking bruise.  It goes well with the blue nail polish, I think.  Total serendipity there.

 

And if you have noticed a lot of extra commas, and the use of colons, which I don’t normally employ (and am not totally positive that I’m employing correctly), that is because I’m currently teaching SAT prep.  I’m actually pretty sure that, in the service of a conversational style, I have broken several rules.  But these SAT practice exams have improved my comma-awareness.  Not so much my tendency for run-on sentences. I will run on. As soon as this toe is better.

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