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2018 - BRANG IT!

Happy New Year, my gentle readers! And, please, Lord, let it be a good one!

My friend, Jenni, says that whatever you are doing on New Year's Day foretells how you will spend the next year. This, after confessing she had spent the whole of the day binge watching 24 and feeling a little regretful. Of course, this is a superstition, but still it influences me.

Driving home from visiting my husband's people over Christmas I got a wild notion as to how we could spend New Year's Day - making tamales! We have done crazier things, namely, making a Turducken. Thrice. Once was for practice, then we made it for real for a party, and then a final time because my mom wanted to try it. No mas on the Turducken! My point, is that we are no strangers to trying something new. I found a recipe on Genius Kitchen, no idea if it would be good or not, because, internet recipes. But it was delicious! So, New Year's Day found us at a friend's house filling corn husks with masa and pork filling. Now I will be honest here and tell you that I had envisioned our 2 families gathered 'round the dining room table, the football game on in the background, sharing, laughing, etc, you know. Reality, and really, why did I think it would be any different, was that Younger disappeared to play video games, Older chowed down on chips and salsa, Friend 1 was super intent on his football game, and Friend 2 had her hands full making rice and guacamole, so just me and Husband made the tamales. I've heard stories of mountains of masa, mountains of husks, so of course it takes a village to get all that done. But I had only made enough masa to fill a medium-ish Tupperware, so it really was enough for just 2 people to handle. Perhaps next year will be the year of Masa Mountain. But, after tasting Sara's homemade guac, I think we did things just right.

If every year starts with superb guacamole and tamales, it promises to be a fine year, indeed.

And I needed a fine start because on Tuesday I started The Doctors Appointments. Gad!

Tuesday morning I went to get a crown replacement. I love everything about my dentist, her unusually tiny hands, her friendly staff, her remodeled office, everything except that she's a dentist and wants to work inside my mouth. Maybe it's because I can't see what she's doing, maybe it's the constant reminder that I didn't floss or brush well enough all those years ago, so I got a cavity, which led to a crown, which now has to be replaced, so shame and failure, or, probably, I hate getting shots in my mouth and hearing the whirr of the drill, even tho' Dr. Fleschler gives shots better than anyone.

This time, however, would be different ("Why is this dentist's visit different from all other dentist's visits?" asks Younger) because this time I had brought an Audio Book, Jen Hatmaker's Of Mess and Moxie! I felt so calm entering the waiting room, signing in, following New Hygienist, Lauren (Where is Genevieve? Why did she retire before I got this new crown?) into the exam room.

And then I discovered that my headphones don't plug into my new iPhone. "You don't have an adapter?" asks Lauren. "A-dap-ter," I say slowly like it's a new word in my DuoLingo lesson. No audio book, no Jen Hatmaker making me laugh and cry while God-only-knows-what goes on inside my mouth. I think I started shaking because Lauren begins to describe, in a super fast way, NuCalm, "See, this great smelling cream goes on your neck, then we have these electrodes that go behind your ears, and these headphones play classical music and these sunglasses block out the bright light- it's really, really calming! You might even fall asleep." As if. Still, what else am I going to do? My dentist even offered to have all of us listen to Jen, but that seemed a tad much, even to me.

Now some of you are wondering what the heck is wrong with me. For crying out loud, I've delivered two children, I've gotten a steroid shot in my foot (and I would go thru labor again before getting another one of those), what is my problem with the dentist?

I don't know. It's just my awful, awful thing.

Gentle Readers, I survived the ordeal without making a total fool of myself. I know, I roll my eyes at myself. Which hurts.

And, in fact, the three of us had a very nice discussion about mascara - Dr. Fleschler and Lauren have great eyelashes, which I was able to contemplate for a very long time before I could ask about their mascaras. Dr. Flescher uses Bare Minerals, and Lauren favors It Cosmetics. That led to a conversation about African Black Soap, which offers a really deep clean, so says my dentist.

One doctor visit down. A couple more to go. Sigh.

It is Wednesday, my dudes. Or Gentle Readers.

This is now something we say in my house. Every day. As in, "It is NOT Wednesday, my dudes." I don't really get memes or their profound effect on young people, namely my son, these days, but there it is. This is now part of my lexicon, and you can have it, too.

Ok, doctor's visit #2. Isn't this an exciting way to start the New Year?

Anyway, next up is my Annual Visit to the OB/GYN. Yes, some people blog about their trip to Cabo, some people share recipes and other warm memories about Christmas, some poor wretches go on and on, blah, blah, blah about their diets and new exercise regimes (NEVER at Bustle & Vim). I'm going to share my New Year's Week visit to the OB, 'cause I'm a messy authentic, like Jen Hatmaker. And, also, because I didn't go to Cabo, my mother in law did all the cooking, my father in law took us out to dinner, and maybe I'll give up sugar for January, but maybe not because the stress of maybe moving back into my flooded home is filling my plate, and I don't know that I have the mental reserves to give up dessert right now. Oy.

Ok, so this is me and Lauren, my OB PA.

Lauren is the best. However, she is wishing she had applied some makeup and done her hair, but she's never taken a selfie with a patient and certainly was not expecting to do so today, so how could she know? "Messy Authenticity," I tell her. Easy for me to say because while I'm a tired, hot mess, I'm wearing lipstick.

And I am tired. Unusually tired. Like, I get tired driving to work, so I take a 10 minute nap in the parking lot before going into the building. Like, even when I feel pretty awake and alert, if I sit down at my son's piano lesson, I fall asleep. Like, I was taping paper with my students, and I started nodding off. That's the one that got me. I get that Harvey was stressful. And so were the holidays, but something is wrong. So, Lauren requested about a dozen different blood tests after our quality exam time.

It's nice to have blood test paperwork to fill out while waiting for my mammogram.

Yep, I finished the morning with a 3D Mammogram. Anita and I are now besties, and we will get matching necklaces.

So, that's my first week of 2018. Maybe there will be a movie tomorrow. There should be a movie tomorrow. Except that my boys can't agree on one. Perhaps I will go by myself, and then I can get a manicure.

Wishing y'all a wonderful New Year filled with peace, joy, and good health.

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